Boys are stupid.

Fucking hell.
Why do boys promise you the moon and the stars when they mean the stones and the grass?
Is it wrong that I don’t want a boy who acts like he isn’t with me at all?
I’d rather be alone.
Cause then I’d stop having to continually find the pieces to myself.
Don’t tell me you love me and turn around to do this.
My enemies have hurt me much less.
In the end, those three words are just words unless people actually show it.
Anyone could say it.
It isn’t as if we’ve never talked about this.
How could you have the cheek to tell me that it’s different this time around?
It’s not.
It’s exactly. the. same.
Yes, boys are stupid.
Don’t just throw rocks at them.
Find BOULDERS.

Lost.

On the steamed up windows, I wrote ‘gone’. It’s like we keep running in circles, trying to stay away from what only catches up inevitably. As I stepped out of the car, I wished you would grab my arm and tell me that… actually, I don’t know. Something that makes me think that you actually love me. That you want me. I still don’t know how you could say it all to my face without expecting some sort of reaction. Is this what I should learn to expect? Cause I don’t want to; I don’t want this from the person who I love and supposedly loves me back.

There are times when I don’t doubt that we’re right for each other, that we’re headed somewhere together; tonight isn’t one of them. I feel like I’m all alone in this right now, and I have no idea where to go from here.

How’d it go?

Frankly, if I gave myself time to really think about it, I might just not stop. So I push it aside like it’s not important, as if I’m not aware that it could all just crash down on me; it’s easier this way. For now.

I’ll keep my fingers crossed till then.

Passage of time.

I often wonder what makes a good photograph but I also realise that the best moments are those that aren’t always captured on film, but in our minds.

I looked out the window this evening from the passenger seat and really wanted to capture the sky in a certain shade of blue that made everything look gorgeous against it. But for some reason, I didn’t want to pull out my camera. We moved along as the light turned greeen. Moments later, the sky turned a deeper shade of blue which changed it all. Dark. Fear. The unknown. Just like that.

Still here.

At times like this, I’m honestly torn. I don’t know what to do or say anymore. I think I could help, given time. But I don’t have time; it has a vendetta against me at the moment. I’m splitting into two, and both of me have no idea what to do at all. You are always the key to my life’s puzzles, and it all feels so wrong without you to complete the picture. What do I do? I’m still here. I just need to get two things out of my way. Thursday evening, I’m counting on you to put everything back together.

Day and night

I found out last night that someone (I don’t know if it’s male/female cause the boyfriend refuses to tell me who this unknown jackedupbrainlessfuckwit is) told the boyfriend about how I have been ‘overly friendly’ with my barista. The boyfriend didn’t care, but I got really upset that this person whom I apparently don’t even know is implying such nasty things about me.

OF COURSE I have something going on with my barista who has a pretty and intelligent girlfriend, gosh. If that affair can be carried out without touching since there’s never been an occasion when we’ve even shook hands, then yes, the three of us have been fucking furiously indeed. Let’s see, behind the coffee machine, on the counters, and every fucking table in the cafe. With the chairs. Lots of steam too. Fucking douche. Isn’t it stupid to go around shooting your mouth off without clarifying the facts? Are you so fricken bored that porn doesn’t do it anymore and you need to wreak havoc in my life? Do me a favour; go fuck yourself. That might just well prove to be entertaining.

The stupidest thing is that if he didn’t wear his uniform, there wouldn’t have been any sort of implication because then he’d just be a friend, right? Apparently, in that fucktard’s eyes, I can’t share a laugh with a barista, say anything besides ‘regular long macchiato with marshmallows, please’, or God forbid, actually be *gasp*…. friends. Holy fuckeroos. Oh, maybe I need to order a short macchiato instead cause you know, otherwise, I’d be flirting and implying something else. Shit. Some people can be so bloody jobless.

* * * * *

My phone rang and it was the interviewer for that internship. I was so excited and eagerly retrieved the call. Except she called me ‘Janine’, and was offering JANINE the spot. I tried so hard not to cry and pretty much told her it’s fine. Jeez.

When I woke up from that stupid dream, I still felt horrified. What a fucking nightmare.

Why do you act like we still live in trees?

English – how could it be possible not to regard it as being essential in today’s world? My lecturer mentioned that as people here begin to realise the importance of being able to speak languages such as Mandarin, the Chinese are busy taking English Language classes. Yet we have a bunch of dimwits in governing bodies who believe that it isn’t important at all to have at least passable knowledge in what is undeniably the universal language of the world. Right. Which rock have you crawled out from? Please do us all a favour: go back to where you came from and stay there. It’s really nothing short of thick.

Mr. Peters, a donkey and Mr. Jackson

Sapphira said (22:04):

seriously

tadi i lmao

cause

This message was not sent because you’ve reached the limit for the number of offline instant messages you can send to this person right now. Please try again later.

cause

trina_tpc@hotmail.com said (22:04):

yea i know, i tak nak kacau u pon..

hah

on wat

Sapphira (do NOT fricken disturb) said (22:05):

lol

cause i was trying to memorise something

and it had to do with lead times

short lead times

long lead times

my brain joined it together and it became shlort lead times

and i lmaoed!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fucking russell peters, lol

.trina. says (22:05):

AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Sapphira (do NOT fricken disturb) says (22:05):

ahhaahahahah

Sapphira (do NOT fricken disturb) says (22:06):

dammit, damn siao

and i was trying to remember ‘discover, evaluate, select, develop and manage’

i came up with ‘donkey eat stale donkey meat’

poor donkey became cannibal =.=”

.trina. says (22:09):

HAAHAHAHAH

i had one that said michael psycho likes baby people

Sapphira (do NOT fricken disturb) says (22:09):

….. WHAT!!!

.trina. says (22:09):

just cos michael jackson is half paedo

i tot it wud be easy to remember.

Sapphira (do NOT fricken disturb) says (22:09):

so what does it stand for?!

.trina. says (22:09):

which im right..cos i can still remember

Sapphira (do NOT fricken disturb) says (22:09):

lol!!!!!!!

.trina. says (22:09):

oh shit

whats it for har?

Sapphira (do NOT fricken disturb) says (22:09):

……….

.trina. says (22:09):

AHHAHAHAHAHA

Alynna said (22:04):

tadi i lmao

cause

Trinity said (22:04):

yea i know, i tak nak kacau u pon..

hah

on wat

Alynna said (22:05):

lol

cause i was trying to memorise something

and it had to do with lead times

short lead times

long lead times

my brain joined it together and it became shlort lead times

and i lmaoed!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fucking russell peters, lol

Trinity says (22:05):

AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Alynna says (22:05):

ahhaahahahah

dammit, damn siao

and i was trying to remember ‘discover, evaluate, select, develop and manage’

i came up with ‘donkey eat stale donkey meat’

poor donkey became cannibal =.=”

Trinity says (22:09):

HAAHAHAHAH

i had one that said michael psycho likes baby people

Alynna says (22:09):

….. WHAT!!!

Trinity says (22:09):

just cos michael jackson is half paedo

i tot it wud be easy to remember.

Alynna says (22:09):

so what does it stand for?!

Trinity says (22:09):

which im right..cos i can still remember

Alynna says (22:09):

lol!!!!!!!

Trinity says (22:09):

oh shit

whats it for har?

Alynna says (22:09):

……….

Trinity says (22:09):

AHHAHAHAHAHA

Where is she?

Max: my standards for some reason are unreasonably high

Me: well, don’t

Me: not every girl is perfect, jeez (dunno why I didn’t just say no one is, blah)

Max: i’m not looking for perfection mind you

Max: just a certain level of couthness and civility

Me:  oh my

Me: where in the world are we gonna find that shit?!

Regurgitation

I wanted to sign off an email to my lecturer with ‘FML’.

Needless to say, I wasn’t feeling pleased.

Now I regret not bringing that chocolate bar to uni. DAMN!