Slashes of red across the blue canvas

I keep thinking that maybe it’s my fault; maybe I am rude without noticing.

But I know it’s not true. Every time he takes his anger out on me is every time that I hate my immobility. If indeed I have grown wings as they put it, then I would have flown away a long time ago. But instead, I sit here and this feeling of helplessness slowly gnaws at me. Accompanied by this need to hide. And just cry. Because it’s not easy to have all this pent-up frustration for so long, without wanting to appear completely weak. I refuse to give into his bullying, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel anything.

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The ‘loving you’ part is easy; it’s the ‘missing you’ that’s difficult.

I know it’s not easy but please realise that for every time I say ‘no’ to an opportunity to just see you and hold your hand, even if it’s only for a few minutes, or sixty whole seconds, it hurts me more than it does to you. Because I’m the one who has to say ‘no’ even though I don’t want to. This hurt is not apparent as I try to remain cheery, like it doesn’t matter cause I don’t want you to take it personally. Then I get this frustration that doesn’t really subside until the next time I see you.

You are worth the effort and so much more. It’s just me. I would have if I could have. And you have every right and reason to be angry at me because you don’t ask for much, and yet I am so chained to what I cannot let go of. So I understand your anger. What amazes me is that you still apologise, when I know that if anyone should be apologising, it’s me. How did I ever find you? For someone who can churn out 1500 word essays when I doesn’t really mean to, I really don’t know how to describe how much I love you. But as I’ve learned, putting things into words sometimes only serves to make things worse. It just hits me time and time again that I hope I don’t lose this streak of luck that is keeping me with you.

Take a hike.

Honestly, yes, I do think this whole petrol hike thing back at home is a just a tiny bit outrageous since it’s gone up by such a significant amount. What I don’t think is fair is how many people attribute it to one person, and that’s obviously the Prime Minister. On MSN, on Facebook. One friend’s MSN personal message was that the PM must be nuts to do this, he’s lost so many votes, and everyone’s salary is not increasing. Of course, it’s so easy to take an individual’s perspective on this. But what of a nation’s? Do we all sit down everyday to consider actions that will affect 27 million people?

It’s really no easy task to tell the millions that they will have to fork out more on what they’ve become so dependent on, especially after the last election. Do people seriously think he’s enjoying this? I will not claim to know so much about the industry, our country’s financial state or the government to say that he’s doing exactly what he should, nor am I blessed with the ability to see into the future so that I can reassure everyone that yes, ultimately, this will benefit our country. But I do think it takes a lot of courage for him to do what he has to do. No doubt he realised the uproar that it would result in, yet he did it anyway. Won’t you admire the man for not simply trying to win your hearts (and votes) over through popular decisions but making ones that he thinks would secure a better future for our country?

And no, I didn’t plagiarise Vincent’s post. We merely share the same sentiments. Some. Right, old friend? *wink*

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1. I need to lay off the Camembert.
2. I need to study.
3. I need to get my parents to just buy the damn Nespresso machine.
4. I need to buy it if #3 does not work.
5. I need to get better soon.
6. I need to stop looking at statistics like it’s an alien.
7. I need to stop looking at recipes.
8. I need to also stop writing out recipes.
9. I need to stop all thoughts of chocolate because I’m ill.
10. I need to drink more tea, and avoid the coffee.
11. I need coffee.
12. I need to stop thinking about the boyfriend.
13. I need a bigger bank account balance.
14. I need to sleep.

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I’m starting a new section to link the blogs I visit soon, including the food ones so fellow gluttons can have a good time dining out or go crazy in the kitchen, like I plan to, especially with the abundance of easy recipes that keep falling into my lap and making me salivate. Or maybe these creators lied and it’s really difficult. But really, there’s only one so very delicious way to find out, isn’t there?

Plus, I like licking spoons. And bowls. Yum.