As I waited in line for a cab, I looked around for something that would be interesting. Suddenly, a cyclist sped past and I heard a weird sound. A lady stood there, stunned in her steps, looking in horror at the ground. There was a decapitated pigeon and a tiny pool of red, red blood. The cyclist came back, picked up the dead bird, and threw it into the nearest bin as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened. I felt sick. As I related the story to DB, my stomach continued to hurt. He laughed and said I was innocent.
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We came home a little late with some groceries. I immediately attended to urgent emails and told them to give me a few more minutes. When I came downstairs, he started yelling about how it was pointless for us to be home at a certain time when we stayed upstairs doing nothing. I replied that there were things we needed to do and he yelled, “Then GO!” I tried to hide my shock and picked up the carton of soy milk to put it into the fridge. I asked him why he was so angry, opened the fridge door, and he slammed it shut.
He almost slammed my fingers in.
I hope it makes him feel better after he yells at me. One of us might as well gain something from it. And next time, maybe he shouldn’t miss my fingers. Because then, he’d get that SOMETHING he does actually hurts. He never gets it. Or maybe he does, and that’s exactly why he does it.
I need to fix this. It might be okay most times, and even good on the occasion, but the bad ultimately stabs me, and I can’t stop the bleeding. I’m supposed to be filial, obedient, and grateful and I am but I’m never going to be the daughter he wants me to be. I cannot please everyone and live. It’s one or the other and it’s obvious what I choose. I want to feel like I can make choices on how I live my life and not worry about how he wants everything to be. Even if I am wrong, don’t people have the right to make their own mistakes?
I am so tired and my eyes hurt. I look like a mess. And I am not at my most reasonable right now, but why am I never one of those people who can just pack a bag, call a cab and go?
