Grey’s Anatomy is my dose of serious emotional drama of a fictional source. I relate and relate and then I cry. I wish people would stop dying on the table, couples wouldn’t break up for entirely stupid reasons, randoms would cease having sex like it’s a sport, and all those irritating bits and pieces that dig into that spot between my shoulder blades.
But then it wouldn’t be Grey’s Anatomy if all that didn’t happen in the show, now would it? Death is, well, death. Inevitable. I will not deny it, but to find myself one step closer to someone who eventually dies 30 minutes later is crushing. I suddenly realise that this character stops and I’ll never see them again. They could be exactly like someone who was once really very much alive. And then life stops for these real people. All it takes is 30 minutes for the producers to reveal a character and his/her personality and vulnerabilities to me, and half an hour later, I feel as though I’ve really lost someone when they die in the show.
Yes, some people find Meredith’s spiels annoying, but I enjoy it. Maybe it’s cause I tend to waffle a lot too, and I’ve been told I go on severe rants. I don’t care that Katherine Heigl reckons the writers give her material that isn’t worthy of an Emmy. I used to love her character and think she’s so me, and even though I like Izzie less now, I still relate to her in situations. The ‘on-call room’ scenes are foreign to me, but I’m lying if I say that I don’t find them crazily amusing. I mean, they have the energy for sex after major life-changing surgeries?! Or even before? Bravo. And that elevator scene with Derek and his babes? Hahahahaa!
What I watched today though was different. I felt like I was scratched with something so raw and sharp so deeply but I didn’t bleed. Instead I was amazed that something could be so beautiful, rare and exist, all at the same time. It’s fictional, maybe. But it stared right out at me from my laptop screen, daring me to deny its purity. And I couldn’t. I don’t think anyone could.
‘I’m not finished loving you.”
It wasn’t a fairy tale; it was just equally as untainted. There are times when you know you have to walk in with eyes closed, or you’ll never have the guts to even take the first step. But to have the spirit and bravery to keep taking steps despite shutting your perfectly functioning eyes is something entirely different. To have the courage to hold onto a love that cannot be… it is so strong that I had to hold back my tears before it cascaded down in falls I wouldn’t be able to control. I am in awe of the people that can do things I can’t, but it’s often things like these that go unnoticed.
It’s not a first million-dollar cheque, or a mansion with a driveway that seems to lead to heaven. It’s not towel rails made of pure gold. It’s nothing of physical value which is why it slips by your eyes and fingers before you notice that this is what you were meant to know and realise but had lost sight of. No one can buy happiness or security or love. People don’t put monetary value on those things for a damn good reason – because it simply can’t be done.
Every step of the way, people take things for granted. I forget that an hour of my pay can feed a family of four for an entire day. I have these expectations and when I/others fall short, I am stuck with this disappointment at reality. But the truth is, I’ve got more to be thankful for and it is when I lose sight of that that I leave contentment behind, embarking on this journey of dissatisfactions.
“There’s a bigger picture.”
I am better than this. And so are you. We may slip from time to time but that’s okay. It’s entirely fine. We just need to remember to pick ourselves one more time. And realise that we have so much more to life than merely what we choose to see. It’s what others can see in us. It’s what we’ve lost track of over time. It’s waking up in the morning and still recognising the person staring back at us in the mirror. It’s about realising that sometimes the best things in life don’t take physical form.
“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart” – Helen Keller
